clothes and stuff

so i just realized that the reason my posts have been sooo much less frequent is because i am not spilling over with hilarious stories from yoga class because i ummm skipped one week and then forgot about it for the last month? woopssss. oh well.. i needed a break. the last yoga class i went to, i was just NOT in the mood and decided that while everyone was getting all yoga-y, i would lay on the floor and relax. not even in child's pose or ANYTHING. (i know, i'm a rebel) and THEN my teacher kept coming around and trying to position me into yoga poses!! it was terrible.  so terrible that i completely eternal sunshined the whole event and, well, here i am, so many weeks later and yoga has completely slipped my mind. i shouldddd start it up again but i'm also just getting a littttle antsy about the whole mk olsen situation (happy bday 2 days ago babe) and not running into her and all, even though like everyone of my friends seems to have no problem running into yoga class and spotting her on the mats. i am so unlucky sometimes.

more importantly though, today while i was on the west side buying a rack for my new room, i passed by a magical place with a lovely little going out of sale sign. i'm sort of just saying "magical place" because i am selfish and i don't want anyone else going here. i really do have issues with this sort of thing. in 6th grade, there was a realllyy cool pair of mudd jeans with black and white stripes down the side so i bought a pair and then took the other 17 pairs and hid them under a baby crib on the opposite side of jcpenney. and six years later i won best dressed in senior superlatives so i meannnnnn a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. ya know?

ANYWAYS. fine. its odds costume rental and its on 29th st and 8th avenue. now my karma will be better. i should have taken pictures at odds so i could fully explain the magnitude of what i walked into but i was too consumed with the thought of needing to own everything in the store while at the same time keeping the place a secret from everyone i knew. it was fashion CHAOS. sequins and sweaters and prints and spandex and military jackets and pirate shirts and 70s dresses and sunglasses and furs and feathers and OMG it was stressful. also, i know you probably think i'm really athletic and stuff because of how diligently i did yoga for so long but i am actually sort of really lazy and yet you would be AMAZED at the lengths i will go to for good clothes. i was honestly charging through aisles with my shopping cart to grab a band hat before someone else could get to it and stacking ladders on top of each other to spiderman jump to a mesh section at the top of the rack.

it was EXHAUSTING. i had to call in a 911 leave work now and COME HERE IMMEDIATELY to bff jen remark to take in the craziness with me. i also employed her clothes approval and veto services where we painstakingly went through my cart with analyses like "right, but why do i really NEEDDD this band hat?" (i really did need it.) and "but should i get the shirt?.. well it's sort of big but it DOES have hamburgers on it..." you know. the usual.

i ended up leaving with three things. i know thats really anti-climactic for the dramatic freak out i just had over the whole costume place but the truth is odd's costume rental was a little ODD with their prices and umm if you're going out of business, i don't really want to spend 35 dollars on a sequined sweater of cats.

but anyways. my things are good and i should really do the whole sha-bang with my gloomy pictures and witty commentary so i can show you my odds acquisitions and some other recent things i kinda loveee but i am tired and also need to pack up my life into 500 duffel bags for the big move on friday. but SOON!!!

 i guessssss, if you're in new york, go to odds. you are SO welcome.

its offficiiaaaaallllllll.

we're moving in!!! and i have the keys to prove it. and 2 copies of the keys that i'm almost 87% sure will not work because they look like plastic keys that i would play with when i was a baby. 

ALSO. my camera is back to me!!!! i am thrilled. well, not thrilled. i am satisfied and excited to resume my lifestyle of obsessive and annoying picture taking. thrilled would be if the geek squad had decided that my camera was in such terrible condition that they chose to let me pick out a brand new camera. one that came in the option of neon colors. in a sequin camera case. oooo that sounds too good to be true. but i guess it is.

anywayssss, my little baby camera is back. with all its little scratches and dents but hopefully not with smoke pouring out of the cracks this time. although it was a lovely special effect.

mmkkk well i am going now to update my resume. aka spend 3 hours thesaurus.com-ing words like coordinate, manage, delegate and  communication.

if i ever end up in hell, i think i will be sitting in a room writing cover letters and resumes. FOREVER. oh and probably also wearing tevas because i reallllllly despise tevas.

lea says i'm not allowed to do this.

but whatevaaaa. i am DOING IT. this is our newwwww apartment. well almost. it's not official because we have not officially signed the lease and i do not officially have the keys in my hand but ronny the broker says it is a DONE DEAL. its soooo pretty and also a little bit fancy which i don't really care about but i mean i guess it's nice to be a little fancy sometimes in life. most importantly it is a duplex which is basically my dream in an apartment because that makes it soooo cute and like a darling little house! awww!! haha. darling. i think that is the first time i've ever used that word in my life. i don't think i liked that. AND. it has three bathrooms. also unnecessary but we are going to have a woooo!! we moved!! party and everyone can just pee all over the place. so get excitedddd. brooklyn here we comeeeee.

funniness and a frozen turkey

so, i just want to say.. despite my lack of posting lately, it has come to my attention that people think i'm hilarious. and i mean, really, you don't need to tell me twice. if anyone thinks i'm hysterical, it's me. i think thats actually what makes my incredible wittiness a little bit less impressive because for every hilarious blog post you read, i'm re-reading and congratulating myself on what a funny person i have turned out to be. hahah just kiddddinggg. sort of. no, i'm not kidding really. that was the kind of just kidding you throw in because you SHOULD be just kidding but you're like nahhh i mean what im saying. but seriously, i am so funny that barbara was "peeing her pants".  she's kind of easily entertained though so i will also include photographic evidence of someone telling me how hilarious i am.

no jokes. just sayin.

anywaysssss, allow me to take a break from my hilarity to tell you a tragic story. welllllll, i was in richmond this past weekend and while we were driving, my cousin told me a horrific story about a horrendous highway accident in arizona.  the highway alone is terrible enough to me, but there's more. apparently, a woman was driving when a group of teenagers threw a 20 pound frozen turkey out of their car window which then crashed threw the woman's windshield and hit her in the face. AHHHH. it is the most terrible story and one i wish i had never heard because i was hallucinating frozen turkeys flying at my face every second i was behind the wheel and i am scared it may stick with me for the rest of my life. terrible.

i like these.

things to say

i'm very bad at consistently updating this but today, i feel that i have some bloggable things to say. god, blog is like THE dorkiest word isn't it? 

anywaysss, i've had some very important life changes lately. the first being i had two flights that were ON TIME. for normal people with good luck and karma and all that stuff this aint no thang but for me this is like MAGIC. i have spent the past 23 years of my life on delayed and canceled flights. all while maintaining a sunny and pleasant disposition, might i add. but on this particular trip to and from richmond, it was like BAM flights at 6:00? let's take off at 5:59! wanna get back to new york by 8:30? BAM. in the gate by 8:15. yuppp. things are looking up for me.

alsoooo, the second thing is i left my job to pursue other creative endeavors. basically, i am retired. just kiddinggg but realllly it's kind of a big deal. and creative endeavors sounds pretty good to me. i have projects in the works. ill keep you updated when i feel they are bloggable enough.

i also have some things to say about my day today. ok here i go. after a productive morning of shortening, sewing, and pocketing.. (adding pockets? i dont know... it needed an ing on the end), i decided to continue my productivity and do my little errands. first, i dropped my camera off at best buy to be sent away and fixed.. or replaced (replaced i hopeeee). this was sort of a tragedy for me. i felt like i was giving away my baby. my little baby that smokes when i take too many pictures in a row. and my little baby with an annoying scribble on the screen that seems to be there for no other apparent reason than to freak my friends out when i playback pictures and they think there is some weird stain on their clothes or smudge on their faces. i will actually really miss those reactions. but the time has come to send my little canon away for hopefully something newer and prettier and more updated (i'm not that attached.. clearly)

thennnn i went to the phone store to replace my phone cover that has mysteriously cracked after dropping my phone 308 times. thank god for warranties. so you know how these phone places are... you sit, you wait, you walk around, wait some more. well today i sat. i waited. i walked. and i sat again. for 48 minutes. and then i made the cell phone man open three different cases to find my exact phone cover to replace but to my surprise it was NOWHERE to be found. exasperated, i said "they told me i could go to ANY verizon store and they would have it" to which he replied.. "this is sprint"

WHOOPSIESSSSS.

12 minutes later, i spent 53 minutes waiting at verizon (i checked this time) which apparently also serves as a veterinarian office.  really, 3 people brought their dogs. 1 person had 2 dogs, the rest had 1 each. this makes 4 little dogs in 1 little verizon store,  2 of whom were fighting and 2 of whom were like smelling eachothers butts or something gross and unsanitary that dogs do. is this an SAT problem solving equation or what? well i'll tell you what this all adds up to. the answer is ANNOYING. i have no compassion for little fighting, smelling animals. anywayssss 53 minutes later, verizon told me that they did not have black cell phone covers and nope sorry we can only exchange for the exact color. welll welll welllll i did NOT use my sunny airport disposition and ta-dah. my little black cracked cover was replaced with a shiny new blue metallic cover. thanks babeeees.

also a bottle of lotion exploded in my bag. but i really have no jokes about that or ways to make it funny and worth reading. there were no up-sides. it wasn't even a beautiful smelling lotion that would  at least make my purse smell like roses or vanilla or cucumber melon. it's just grossness and now my entire life, which i carry with me like mary poppins in my bag, is covered in unscented lotion.

WHAT A DAY.

12:52 am